Understanding the Value of FemDom
In the world of BDSM, one often encounters a sentiment from some self-identified "subs" who claim they don't want to serve anyone who is "just in it for the money." While I understand the sentiment of wanting to find a FemDom with true kink intentions, it still reeks of patriarchal thinking. This statement is not only misguided but also reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to serve a Dominatrix, particularly a Pro Domme.
Let's unpack this notion and explore why financial support is a crucial aspect of servitude, whether in a professional or lifestyle dynamic. Let’s also delve into the unique challenges faced by Black femmes in the BDSM community and how these dynamics intersect with broader societal issues of power and economics.
This Is Our Livelihood
Pro Dommes, short for Professional Dominatrixes, are individuals who have dedicated their lives to mastering the art and science of BDSM. They have honed their skills over years of experience, training, and education. This is not a hobby or a side gig—it is their career, their passion, and their livelihood. As I established a few times, I am newer to Professional Domination but not entrepreneurship, adult work, real-world experiences in corporate and beyond, and sex education. I come with years of skills, knowledge and wit.
When someone questions the legitimacy of a Pro Domme's need to be compensated, it is equivalent to questioning the validity of any other profession. Do you love your job? Do tattoo artists love to tattoo? Do musicians love touring and creating music? Absolutely. But they also need to be compensated for their work. The same principle applies to Pro Dommes. Someone loving what they do does not mean they don’t deserve compensation. More importantly, you loving what they do does not mean you do not owe them compensation.
A Pro Domme provides a service that is both emotionally and physically demanding. The mental preparation, the customization of sessions to suit individual needs, the physical exertion—all of these are aspects of the job that require not just skill, but also significant energy and time. To suggest that a Pro Domme should not be compensated for their time and expertise is not only unrealistic but also deeply disrespectful. You are operating from just your fantasies when you think this way, and it does not show me someone is truly interested in servitude, but someone who has a list of kinks they like and are looking for ANYONE to fulfill those needs.
Financial Support in Lifestyle Dynamics
Even within lifestyle BDSM relationships, where the lines between professional and personal may blur, there is an expectation of care, support, and yes, financial contribution. This is particularly true if you are a cishet (cisgender heterosexual) man serving a Femme Domme. The power dynamics that exist in the broader world do not disappear within the confines of a BDSM relationship. In fact, they often become more pronounced. Women as a whole make less than all men, but Black Women in particular make 60 cents for every dollar a White man makes.
As a Black femme, I am acutely aware of the power imbalances that exist in society. These imbalances are not just about gender, but also about race, class, and economics. These things also bleed over to BDSM work. These hierarchies tend to lead people to expect and even demand the labor and Dominance from Black FemDommes. There is an entitlement that occurs in people who have not checked their privileges or their imbalances in their own life. The intersection of these identities means that the challenges faced by Black femmes are unique and often more complex than others. This reality is not something that can be ignored or brushed aside in the context of a BDSM relationship. My approach to kink is not just liberation through physical and intimate connection, but through radical transformation and dismantling of systems that harm us both, as a Domme and sub.
Financial support is not just about paying for a service; it is about recognizing and honoring the value of the Domme's time, energy, and expertise. It is about contributing to the well-being and success of the person you claim to serve. If you are unwilling to provide that support, then you are not interested in true servitude—you are simply looking for a kink dispenser, someone to fulfill your fantasies without acknowledging the real person behind the power. You aren’t interested in Goddess Imani, you frankly are interested in anyone willing to say yes.
The Economic Realities of a Black FemDom
The economic realities of being a Black femme in the BDSM community are stark. The disparities that exist in the broader society are magnified in this space. Black femmes are often paid less, given fewer opportunities, and face greater challenges in establishing and maintaining their careers. Yes, even in kink spaces.
This is not just a matter of individual circumstances; it is a reflection of systemic issues that permeate every aspect of our lives. The economic ramifications of racism and sexism are real, and they affect everything from the ability to secure clients to the prices that can be charged for services.
As a Black Femme Domme, I navigate these challenges every day. My time, my energy, and my expertise are valuable, and they deserve to be compensated fairly. When a sub is unwilling to provide financial support, it sends a clear message: they do not value me, my work, or the unique challenges I face. They are not interested in true servitude; they are looking for a transactional relationship that benefits them at my expense.
Financial Support in Power Dynamics
In a BDSM relationship, power dynamics are central. The sub relinquishes control to the Domme, trusting her to lead, guide, and sometimes push boundaries. This dynamic is not just about physical control; it is also about emotional and psychological power. Financial support is an extension of this power dynamic. It is a way for the sub to demonstrate their commitment, their trust, and their respect for the Domme.
When a sub provides financial support, they are acknowledging the value of your Domme's time, energy, and expertise. They are contributing to her well-being and success, which in turn allows her to continue to provide the guidance, support, and discipline that the sub craves.
This financial support is not just a nice-to-have; it is an essential part of the relationship. Without it, the power dynamic becomes skewed, and the relationship becomes unbalanced. The Domme is expected to give without receiving, to provide without being compensated, to lead without being supported. This is not true servitude; it is exploitation. Support goes beyond just financial as well. How can you make your Domme’s life easier? Can you help with marketing support? Administration? Can you run errands for them? The goal is to make your Domme’s life more seamless so they can focus on the complex and detailed ways in which they can operate at a higher skill level for you and themselves.
Recognizing True Servitude
True servitude is about more than just fulfilling fantasies. It is about recognizing and honoring the person behind the power. It is about understanding that the Domme is not just a vessel for your desires, but a whole person with her own needs, challenges, and aspirations.
If you are unwilling to provide support, then you are not ready to submit. You are not interested in true servitude, and you are not deserving of the privilege to serve. What you want is a kink dispenser—someone who will cater to your fantasies without expecting anything in return. But that is not what true BDSM is about. If I wanted interactions with no expectations and exploitation of my labor, I would be on dating apps instead.
True BDSM is about power, control, trust, and respect. It is about giving as well as receiving. It is about contributing to the well-being and success of the person you serve, whether that is through financial support, emotional support, or physical acts of service.
The Value of a Pro Domme
The idea that a Pro Domme should not be compensated for her work is not just misguided, it is disrespectful and dismissive of the value that she brings to the table. Pro Dommes are professionals who have dedicated their lives to mastering the art and science of BDSM. They deserve to be compensated for their time, energy, and expertise.
Even in lifestyle dynamics, financial support is a crucial part of true servitude. It is a way to demonstrate commitment, trust, and respect for the Domme. Without it, the power dynamic becomes unbalanced, and the relationship becomes exploitative.
As a Black femme Domme, I navigate unique challenges every day. The economic realities of racism and sexism are real, and they affect every aspect of my life. Financial support is not just about money; it is about recognizing and honoring the value of my work and the unique challenges I face.
If you are not willing to provide that support, then you are not interested in true servitude. You are looking for a kink dispenser, someone to fulfill your fantasies without acknowledging the real person behind the power. But true BDSM is about more than just fantasies—it is about power, control, trust, and respect. It is about giving as well as receiving. And if you can't grasp that, then you're not ready to submit.
